The Father of All Lies

I’ve recently reconnected with an old aquaintance - he is totally responsible for my involvment and passion in all things that go *BANG!*, hence I personally realise this as a slightly better than good thing.
Last year I went through what I call ‘a thing’ where irrespective of individual parties intentions I ended up dragging myself out of pure hell thinking and feeling thoroughly fucked over.
All I wanted was one person I knew I could trust, one person I could confide in, one person who would be there - as it were I was dished out poor judgement, worse advice, exclusion, consistant misunderstanding and misinterpretation, blatant stupidity, cowardice etc etc etc
Blatant stupidity shits me - so what shits me the most about last years debatacle is that I didn’t just turn around, forget the lot and walk away as soon as shit hit the fan;

“Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It’s knowing you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.”

Does this mean I have courage now??! BAH!
In exchange I trust no one - I’ll hold my own back with THAT kind of company thank you!
I lost friends? There’s only one person I might have named friend but when push came to shove they bailed - so no I think I’d not.
I used to care - now I seem unable to afford to…
You know it’s trying when all you want is to be a good person, for everything to work out and most importantly to be there for your mates - to have fun and enjoy life;
And everyone leaves the distinct impression of disinterest in your existance.

They say you haven’t lived until you’ve done something for someone that cannot be repayed;

-When a mate broke up with his girlfriend I turned up got him out of the house and we talked through everything - I was available anytime to talk and wander - day or night.
- A mate was having trouble with everything and so had him move in temporarily before sorting everythign out.
- Tumblr told me a friend was sad a week ago - I walked a total of 29km, initially to give him a hug, but we ended up wandering and talking things out.

This list (as short and incomplete as it is) isn’t me bragging - it’s a morale booster in a time where dispassion and indifference are lethal.
And for fucks sake - THIS is what mates are MEANT to do for each other right?!
Im always here when someone’s feeling alone or sad or needs to talk - I swear to god if I get a call at 3am and someones in trouble or just needs to talk - I will drag my sorry ass out of bed and go find them.
If it’s the fun kind of trouble - full battle kit and some insanely illegal driving - YES I DO FUCKING CARE!
IM SORRY IF THATS SO AMUSING TO YOU!
Although I’m even more sorry that playing off it was so amusing to you all.

But from it all I learned so much and even became a better person - I’m no longer so judgemental and I tend to pull myself up on it when I am, I’ve withdrawn and gone back to basics - to who I am;
I might just be a gentleman after all!
WHOOAHAHAHA - snowballs chance in hell!

But my remade aquaintance…

I’ve always said I’ve never really had a bestfriend - I know what that is because I’ve heard so much from other people - Its the person you know you can tell anything in confidance without judgement, who will be there when needed, who counsels and holds your back, who shares similiar ideas and passions etc etc
Now I have aquaintances, good friends and damn good mates - but never a bestfriend - The last self-titled one told everyone what I believed to be in confidance.
This guy I thought played himself up a lot, as it were I was mistaken - he’s a veteran fighter - poles, knives, brawls, gang ups - he’s gone through the lot according to his stories!
It turns out he has some kind of adrenalin deficiency (if THATs what you want to call it) when most people get an adrenaline hit its a burst of insane energy and everything is jumped up and you can do a lot more than usual - apparantly his jumps up 100 times more which ends with unspeakable strength and an inability to feel pain.
He is one of the most moral people I’ve ever met, practical, wise and unbelievably down to earth.
The absolute best part - he’s batshit fucking insane - MORE THAN I AM!!!
After aquiring my bible we’re making our own fireworks display (the big ones!!!) this year… And even if it just goes up in the ground - EXPLOSIONS!!!!! 8D

Last night we were up to no good and heard what sounded like rape - a man screaming curious obscenities and unusual sounds in accompaniement - Ever seen a panther stalking prey?
That’s exactly what I watched as he investigated - I generally don’t feel much - I was impressed upon that I had been totally desensitised to such things - reality has a way of knocking sense into one.
I had tears in my eyes and I’ve never been so angry - I wanted to fuckign destroy the guy - with every intention of destroying his testicles, curb style.
As it were we found nothing; I hope to god it wasn’t rape - just some dickhead yelling intoxicated obscenities at 4am…

This post is about hope - because in this sick twisted world of assholes and bastards I’ve found one person who doesn’t take that kind of shit - someone who looks out for their mates and strangers alike.
Who CARES, who genuinely cares about what happens to others!
Who worries about other people, who gives a damn about the state of everything.
Someone not willing to lie down and say ‘yes sir,’ ‘no sir,’ ‘two bags fucking full sir!’
Someone I know I can trust and not be judged by - and for me that is absolutely huge - something mere words are simply incapable of expressing.